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Title: Childhood Dreams and Other Lies Thanks to cass404 for the quick and speedy beta! :D When they were small, Ryan Smith wanted to be Spencer when he grew up. It was an understandable goal. As a small child, Ryan was more open, more prone to chatter away in his own nonsensical, musical language and expect others to comprehend. He was only just starting to realize that not everyone could understand what he said when Sarajain took him to the Smiths' and he met Spencer for the first time. Spencer, who was, quite clearly, awesome. Meeting Spencer was, in a sense, on par with falling in love for the first time. For Ryan, at least. For his part, Spencer felt much the same. Five minutes after meeting Ryan, Spencer decided that he was going to protect Ryan with his life because Ryan was, quite clearly, his. Spencer took good care of his things. Just like he took good care of Stacey, who was small and sticky and mostly useless, but no one ever made her cry but Spencer – and, after he came, maybe sometimes Ryan, if Spencer was feeling generous. This was because Stacey was Spencer's sister and only he was allowed to pick on her. Which he honestly didn't do that much. Mostly. When he was younger, Ryan could frequently be found playing dolls with Stacey. Distinguishing what was acceptable behaviour for small boys and what was acceptable behaviour for small girls was something Ryan had difficulties with. Mostly, he did what he felt like doing, and Mrs. Smith, who believed in giving children leeway to do as they would, did not bother to discourage this. Luckily for Ryan, he had Spencer to set him straight. Spencer mostly just tried to keep Ryan under other people's radars. He loved Ryan's wacky oddities and didn't want to do anything to stifle him, but also understood, even as a small child, the distinct lack of normality in Ryan's actions. Ryan, meanwhile, was content to simply follow Spencer around most of the time, eyes big and round as he watched Spencer go about doing Amazing Spencer Things. One of those Amazing Things was Spencer's gifting of Detective Spots to Ryan. Detective Spots was a worn, much-loved stuffed dog that no one was quite entirely sure of the origins of, but which Spencer refused to sleep without from the time he was two. Then Spencer met Ryan. That night, the first night Ryan spent at the Smiths, Spencer very carefully, with all the appropriate pomp and ceremony, took Detective Spots from his place of honor on Spencer's pillow and handed him to Ryan. When his mother asked, Spencer patiently explained to her that Ryan needed Detective Spots more. It didn't matter much that Spencer spoke English and Ryan spoke his own, crazy, made-up language at the start, because they both spoke music, and that was enough to allow them to understand one another perfectly. Eventually, however, Spencer insisted that Ryan learn English, because Spencer was tired of telling people what Ryan was saying, and, "Yes, Ryan, I know they're stupid for not getting it, but you're not exactly making it easy for them now, are you?" Ryan sulkily muttered something or another and it really didn't matter what he was saying because Spencer was glaring and Ryan was shrinking and burying his face in his dog because it was soft and fuzzy and Spencer was mad at him, and he didn't want Spencer to be mad at him, he's sorry. As he grew older, Ryan became quieter and less prone to laughing openly. It was a transition that happened when he began to realize that there was a world outside of Spencer and that other people could see him too, that other people's opinions mattered also. The realization was a scary one and Ryan thought that maybe it would be best to just let Spencer do all the talking for them both again. People were scary. Ryan wasn't sure if he liked people. But he liked Spencer, and with Spencer, he could take on the world. Or at least hide behind Spencer while Spencer took on the world for him, which was just as good. Ryan liked watching the world from behind Spencer. No one ever noticed him standing there, and he could see so much that way. After a while, he started writing about what he saw from his hiding spot and, as the words flowed out of him, the words flowed together as well, mixing and making almost-songs. He attempted to venture out from behind Spencer now and then, but rarely with any great success. There was the incident when they were ten, and their mother came to the school to talk to the teacher about Ryan's perception of time. "I know you don't agree with Ms Mayfield's limited linear model, honey," Mrs. Smith told Ryan later, "but it might be best to keep your opinion to yourself in the future. Teachers don't appreciate it when you shake their fundamental conceptions of the world." "But she's wrong," Ryan said, glaring out the window of the car as Spencer climbed in beside him. Susie clapped her hands and babbled happily away in her car seat before trying to grab Spencer's hair. Ryan did not grin. "Time isn't linear or circular! It's like... a big wibbly-wobbly mass, kind of. She's teaching lies." Mrs. Smith sighed. "Sometimes we have to lie to keep from upsetting someone, dear. If it isn't going to hurt anyone for the lie to continue, just let it go," she said, which Ryan felt was a stupid philosophy. Lies were lies, no matter what. Sometimes, he could be drawn out to interact with the rest of the world when confronted with them (a prime example of such being his thirty minute long berating of the French I teacher after she made a mistake correcting his quiz – a tirade which consisted of impeccable French and which, ultimately, resulted in Ryan being expelled from the class), but mostly, Ryan was content to watch. Then there was Brent, who was cool and easy and didn't think Ryan was weird, didn't call him names. It was Brent who led Ryan to think that people had changed since Ryan was eight. Maybe. Possibly. Eventually, Brent also became the one who brought Brendon, and Brendon... Brendon made Ryan feel like he wasn't any different from anyone else, reminded him what it was like to laugh loud and carelessly, to smile more than just occasionally. Ryan started to open up again, to stop hiding behind Spencer all the time. With Brendon, Ryan wanted to not hide any more. And that... That was a good thing.
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